6/25/22AM SO DAMM TIRED!!!!!!!!I am about 70 years old and I have spent most of this lifetime questioning the status quo of injustices. When I was sexually abuse at 4 years old I reached out,, no one helped. When I was six years old in the classroom for the first time and was left handed, I was beaten on the hands over and over again to put my pencil in my right hand. When I was 6 years old and knew that my one brother was killed and felt him leave his physical body no one would listen, I was told I do not understand.Each year of my life I would challenge some thing or someone in front of me of their choices and struck for real or verbally down every time. WHY OH WHY ARE HUMANS SO SO HURTFUL TO SELF AND EACH OTHER????Here we are again in a state of continual crisisHERE we are again in this place of “witch hunting” by finding a way to kill/criminalize women for having a say about their bodies. I wonder if all these humans fighting for the fetus really truly have educated themselves about the heart of the decision or just a naïve believe they are helping to SAVE. The believe system spread about a certain culture, a certain group of people to pit against each other without really knowing or understanding the challenging of a status quo is deafening. Children ask why,,, and told “because I said so”. This statement is our system at work every moment of our lives to keep a “power/over structure well oiled.We entered this land,,, that we call america by owning slaves to do the hard labor and the ancestral people that were already on the land reached out their arms in welcome only to be shot and killed by the millions.Domination is norm,Violence is norm.In my heart I do not believe that to be true and yet the divide between people is growing.I want to quit. I want to get off the roller coaster of life’s ups and downs and yet I sit here writing to find a way for me to still be part of the solution not the perpetual stimulation of violence and domination AS norm.Somehow I have got to find the strength and joy again so that I can continue to listen, educate self and others and take some action in trust that it matters, because right now I do not feel it.I have the ability to heal wounds and right now I wonder what is the point??????I take a deep breath and go deep inside to trust that it does matter. Healing one deep wound creates space for others to heal and not be wounded in the first place.The lyrics come to mind. “Will we ever learn”.How do I not settle that this latest power/over can be lasting?I know healing wounds opens one to truly living from a place of connectedness instead of hardness and complacency. I have spent this lifetime healing my own deep wounds and with each wound healed I remember the core of me as love. In this present world I live in it is hard to heal wounds without other wounds inflicted upon us/me. I have been a witness to many women wanting to heal their wounds and yet with every rock taken off the mountain of pain their seems to be an avalanche of more rocks falling into that place. How do we change this way of being,,, perpetual woundedness? |
12/21/21 A culmination of many different realms setting the course of transformation. A celebration of the freedom to participate in depth of change while In the solitude of darkness.
Light becomes more light as we remember we are light!!
The smile that crosses are faces.
The giggle that is contagious.
The receiving of a gift.
The aha In a puzzle solved.
The tiny seed sprouting through the soil.
The silence that is contentment.
The love that radiates in beingness.
Today I celebrate the ability to have another new beginning. An opportunity to heal old wounds so that the old skin can fall away and the raw beauty of light radiate through me without being held taunt.
Freedom to breathe deeply again.
Freedom to speak without hiding or being shut down.
Freedom to erupt in song without checking in with the mind of long held beliefs that kept me small.
I am the spark that lights the fire for warmth of love.
10/13/2017 I have spent pretty much of my life caring for others and being a healer that assist others in whatever their transformation might be. I have also spent most of my life intuitively listening to my own healing process so that I am not a contribution to the suffering and pain that I feel on this planet earth. I also know I in my humanness have inflicted pain and so I learn to forgive and learn not repeat.
This past week I took a week to celebrate with a friend and many friends by way of Facebook 65 years of many changes in my life. It was good for me to spend every day exploring another part of nature and it’s many reminders it has been here for millions of years with many transformations along the way. I have come to know that through my DNA I too have lived many different lives and the importance of bringing to the surface the trauma of those lives so that I can transmute it with love deep in the crevices of every cell. This I believe is what changes this system of energy within me and reverberates out to the corners of the Universe.
Then I allowed myself to reengage with the world of information and I feel overwhelmed with the tragic stories of humanity and the planet earth. I could list them all here and then I would just pull the covers over my head and not get out of bed. I feel helpless at times watching the destruction of the earth and the devastation of humanity. I feel guilty that I cannot be in all the places helping in some way. I know I am connected with all of it and so I feel the pain and the heartache as each of us in the place we are grapple with whatever is in front of us.
Then I read a story that reminds me what do I do with what is in front of me changes the vibration for all of life. This story is about an older couple who went back to their home after the fires in CA destroyed everything. The man saw a lemon from their burnt lemon tree. He said “ We can have lemon in our tea tonight”, and he can plant several of the seeds from the lemon for a new tree to grow and share the abundance once again. I have witnessed and read about the many people who have jumped into help in any way they can even if it is just a blanket or as big as millions of dollars shared by someone who has it. I am reminded where I am, at the moment, and how I take care of myself so that I can keep that goodness spiraling around is the resilient ability of humanity. It is also in the heart of Mother Nature in the air we continue to breathe after the smoke settles. It is also in the rebuilding after the hurricane. It is also in the innovative and creative juices flowing to learn from what has been destroyed into creating something more in a knowing that what humans create can have good results as well as devastating ones.
In 65 years I have witnessed and experienced humans being polite and not speaking up because it was not acceptable or one would feel abandoned. I have also witnessed the chaos that is being created because people are speaking up. People are creating changes in what is in front of them. This gives me hope in the midst of the storm. This gives me peace and lowers the helpless feeling for I am one person healing pain within and there are millions more breaking the code of silence and willing to ask the difficult questions of why, how did that happen, what do we do to change the system instead of tiredness and giving up and giving in. I probably will not live long enough in this lifetime to experience the vision I have always carried within me. We are love healing the fear so that next generations are free to be their incredible creative selves without having to fight through the trauma inflicted upon them intentionally or unintentionally. And the journey of healing continues.
This past week I took a week to celebrate with a friend and many friends by way of Facebook 65 years of many changes in my life. It was good for me to spend every day exploring another part of nature and it’s many reminders it has been here for millions of years with many transformations along the way. I have come to know that through my DNA I too have lived many different lives and the importance of bringing to the surface the trauma of those lives so that I can transmute it with love deep in the crevices of every cell. This I believe is what changes this system of energy within me and reverberates out to the corners of the Universe.
Then I allowed myself to reengage with the world of information and I feel overwhelmed with the tragic stories of humanity and the planet earth. I could list them all here and then I would just pull the covers over my head and not get out of bed. I feel helpless at times watching the destruction of the earth and the devastation of humanity. I feel guilty that I cannot be in all the places helping in some way. I know I am connected with all of it and so I feel the pain and the heartache as each of us in the place we are grapple with whatever is in front of us.
Then I read a story that reminds me what do I do with what is in front of me changes the vibration for all of life. This story is about an older couple who went back to their home after the fires in CA destroyed everything. The man saw a lemon from their burnt lemon tree. He said “ We can have lemon in our tea tonight”, and he can plant several of the seeds from the lemon for a new tree to grow and share the abundance once again. I have witnessed and read about the many people who have jumped into help in any way they can even if it is just a blanket or as big as millions of dollars shared by someone who has it. I am reminded where I am, at the moment, and how I take care of myself so that I can keep that goodness spiraling around is the resilient ability of humanity. It is also in the heart of Mother Nature in the air we continue to breathe after the smoke settles. It is also in the rebuilding after the hurricane. It is also in the innovative and creative juices flowing to learn from what has been destroyed into creating something more in a knowing that what humans create can have good results as well as devastating ones.
In 65 years I have witnessed and experienced humans being polite and not speaking up because it was not acceptable or one would feel abandoned. I have also witnessed the chaos that is being created because people are speaking up. People are creating changes in what is in front of them. This gives me hope in the midst of the storm. This gives me peace and lowers the helpless feeling for I am one person healing pain within and there are millions more breaking the code of silence and willing to ask the difficult questions of why, how did that happen, what do we do to change the system instead of tiredness and giving up and giving in. I probably will not live long enough in this lifetime to experience the vision I have always carried within me. We are love healing the fear so that next generations are free to be their incredible creative selves without having to fight through the trauma inflicted upon them intentionally or unintentionally. And the journey of healing continues.