My Life Depends on Magic
When I look back at my life I realize that I truly have lived an incredible life. I have trusted many times the jumping off a cliff without totally understanding what I will land in. I just knew! And then as I took the leap the magic happened, all that I needed at the moment would appear from somewhere, from my ability to ask for what I needed, from my ability to honor what was being given to me at the moment, from my ability to manifest an experience that later would give me tools to bring magic to my life in yet another amazing way.
One particular story comes to mind at this moment. While living in Indiana I kept getting this feeling I was about to embark on a very big “leap off the cliff”. Now to the outside world looking into my life people would say I had it all. I lived in a beautiful condo. My daughter received a scholarship at the best private school in the Midwest. I had a thriving full time private practice. I had a beautiful office on the North side of Indianapolis. I was well known in the community as a professor and consultant to many agencies on “life and work” in the workplace.
Yet I was saying I was leaving it all behind. I was letting it all go for this “feeling” I had that would not stop. I had a large moving sale and what was left I hauled to the thrift store for someone else to find their dream. I loaded the u haul with what treasures I did not think I could let go of and filled the car. I helped Lisetanne create a nest in the back seat for the long journey across the United States to California.
I had no job. I had no house. I had no one that I knew in Santa Cruz. I just knew this was to be home. Four days later we landed by the sea in Santa Cruz and I went looking for home. We found it. We set up house. Lisetanne decided on the school that she wanted to attend. We found a great housemate to add to our community lifestyle. I am daily looking for why am I here. I am looking. I am trusting. I am looking. I am asking. I am listening. I am looking.
I am letting go, I am letting go, I am letting go of what I thought was to be the reason I am there and begin to surrender to what is showing up in front of me. I had to to let go of the belief system that if I was not successful in this way then I was a failure. I had to let go of if I did not provide for my daughter in this way then I was a bad mother. I had to let go of if I could not keep this house then I was a failure at being a provider for my daughter and social services would come and take her away from me. I had to let of society’s definition of success and recognize magic in the air.
I wish I could say this was a magical process. It was not. I seem to be so stubborn that it would take me kicking and screaming literally at the forest to let go so that I could stop and listen to the magic that was surrounding me. I let go of many of the treasures that we were still carrying around. WE moved into a small two room cottage and I began to see the magic in front of me. The orchard was full of fresh fruit for daily nourishment. I was surrounded by people who nourished me and my daughter’s souls. We were in a forest of trees that long to help me understand the relationship of our sharing air together. The nightly conversations before sleep with my daughter are imprinted into my being as magic beyond my comprehension.
Magic became a conscious act instead of just something that would appear and blow me away. I came to depend on magic. I came to trust magic would always appear out of the mist as I moved through it. I came to know that in taking the leaps that there would always be ground behind my feet in amazing and breathtaking ways. Now I depend on magic in my every breath and know that magic really is what we are made of instead of the negative drama that we engage in over and over in life.
Yes we have experienced much pain for lifetimes. I choose to move ahead with magic so that my focus is the magic and I do not choose to give the pain that is inflicted upon my being with more pain. I give the pain the magic of healing and laughter so that endless love is my magic. It is our birthright as a magnetic energy field. I am a magnetic force that draws magic into my magnet. It is my choice.
July 9, 2011 at 8:44am